To the single girl still waiting: I know your pain. I know your joy and the ups and downs and the rollercoaster of emotions you experience. I experience them too.
I know that there are days when you absolutely adore your freedom. If you want to hit the road and visit a friend who lives a couple of hours away, you can. If the church needs volunteers on a weeknight or all day Saturday, you’re available. And if you want to eat take-out and watch 90’s chick flicks in bed, who’s gonna stop you?
I also know that there are days when you feel unbelievably lonely. You feel forgotten, invisible, and left out, and all you want to do is cry. In those moments, please remember that you don’t have to sit and wait idly. There are things you can be doing now to prepare for your future.
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Fight for your husband on your knees.
Dear single sisters, I know it’s easy to sit around with our single girlfriends and come up with a list of complaints about singleness (“I have no one to Netflix binge with, I have no one to dance with at weddings, blah blah blah”). It’s also really easy to just keep asking God to send our husbands (in His timing–but SOON). But a friend reminded me recently that we need to do battle for our husbands on our knees.
I’m talking about spiritual warfare, friends. You may not know who your husband is, but God does. And God knows what’s delaying him, too. I’m calling us to fight for our men. I’ve committed to pray for my husband–for his mind, his soul, his body, his character, and his walk with God. I pray for unhealthy relationships to be broken and healthy ones to be built up–friendships of accountability and spiritual growth and that any destructive or unhealthy habits will be broken, and habits of health and spiritual growth will take place. I pray that he will fight to keep his mind pure and stay in step with the Lord and that he will grow closer and closer to God every day.
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Be the wife of noble character.
Just because we’re praying for our husbands’ unhealthy habits and relationships doesn’t mean we don’t have some of our own. Proverbs 31:10-12 says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
I encourage you to read and study the “Wife of Noble Character” verses in Proverbs 31:10-31. Are you becoming that woman? How about spending time with the Lord and letting His character saturate yours? Are you renewing your mind daily with His truths (see Romans 12:2)? As difficult as waiting can be, don’t let this time go to waste. Use it to walk closely in step with God and let Him ready you and prepare your heart for what’s to come.
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It’s okay to have bad days, but don’t stay there.
The single life, when you desire to be married, is a rollercoaster of emotions. I know this full well. And it’s okay to have a day every so often when all you want to do is cry. That’s normal. That makes you a human. But please, sister, don’t stay there. Don’t stay in a perpetual state of sadness. The single life can be full of fun and adventure and laughter and friendship and ministry and travel and coffee and late-night movie nights with friends–if you let yourself enjoy it.
So when you’re having a bad day, pray. Get outside and walk and talk to God or fall face down on your carpet and talk to God or hide under your covers and talk to God. Whatever your preferred method is, pray. If you need to, call a trusted, encouraging friend who will point you to God. Open your Bible and soak up the Word. But determine to root yourself in God’s truths. Let hope be an anchor for your soul (see Hebrews 6:19).
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Beware of the “nice guy.”
For many years, I’ve been praying that God will not just protect me from the “wrong” guys, but from the “nice” guys. You know the type: the solid, Christian guy who is sweet and nice and involved in his church… but you just don’t have feelings for him. If he asked you out, it would be hard to say no to such an upstanding young man of character who loves the Lord. People around you may be attempting to convince you to date him. On the outside, there may be no logical reason to turn him down. But the problem is, he’s not the one God has for you. And you know it.
That’s the kind of guy I want God to protect me from. That’s the kind of guy who could easily pull me off-track from my destiny. There’s nothing really wrong with him… But as a friend of mine says, he’s the silver and not the gold. He is, however, someone else’s gold. So do both of you a favor and don’t fall for the “nice guy”.
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Learn to embrace rejection.
You know the old cliché saying, “When one door closes another one opens.” I don’t necessarily believe that’s true that another door will immediately open when one closes. But I do know that when you’re praying for God to show you His will, and He closes a door, let it stay closed.
After praying for many years that God would protect my heart from all the “nice guys,” and asking Him not to let me go through any more major breakups, I shouldn’t have been surprised when I felt invisible to men. While other girls were going on dates and having several short relationships, I was thinking “Hey, does anybody see me? Does anyone notice me? Will anyone ever want me?”
Then I remembered that I asked God to protect me from the unnecessary heartache of relationships with the wrong guys. And when I have gone on a date or two with a guy, and it ends unceremoniously or for no apparent reason, I count it as a blessing that it ended quickly and not after a year of dating unnecessarily.
So what to do when you feel lonely, rejected, and invisible? God taught me a mantra that I believe will help you, too.
Ready for it?
“It’s not rejection; it’s protection.”
That’s it. Read it again. Let it soak in.
When a guy rejects you for no reason, or a guy you like only wants to be friends or a guy stops talking to you after you tell him which presidential candidate you voted for (yup, that happened to me), remind yourself that it is not rejection, but God’s protection!
There’s one caveat to this method, however. You need to be willing to ask God to protect you from the “wrong guys” and the “nice guys”. That doesn’t mean you don’t date. It means that when you do date, you’re praying for God’s will in the situation. You’re praying before each date and phone call and texting marathon that if this is not the man for you, that God will show you.
This may cause you to feel some things: rejection, loneliness, sadness, and frustration, for example. But that’s nothing compared to the joy you’ll feel when you meet the man God has for you, and you know that it’s part of God’s plan for your life.
It’s not rejection; it’s protection. Repeat that to yourself as often as necessary.
Ladies, I know this single season can be unbelievably painful. I know it can be incredibly wonderful. But I also know that regardless of how we’re feeling on any particular day, we need to keep growing, keep seeking God, and keep moving on the path that God has for us.
Sisters, hang in there, and never stop enjoying the journey.
And above all, seek Him first!
“But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33 (NIV)
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Sara Fore is the Ministry Operations Coordinator & Youth Director at Grace Fellowship Church in Shillington, PA. She enjoys spending time with God, friends, family, and her church family. Sara loves long walks in the woods, live concerts, Mexican food, and late 80’s sitcoms. She also loves investing in teenagers’ lives and seeing them transformed by the love of God.
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Always stay positive!! I’m not a religious person so I can’t comment too much on that aspect, but staying strong and confident in who you, is so important!
Absolutely, Lisa!!
I love this. Totally agree with letting go and letting God work His miracles to give you the love you deserve.
“Letting go” and “surrendering” – so important!
Absolutely, Beverly!!
Beautiful, heartfelt piece! You are loving, sincere, funny…. You’re a real treasure! Yet, undiscovered, but you are always appreciated and loved.
Thank you for the kind words!
Such great points. I think for me the biggest lesson has been that I can’t force things and I need to do what feels natural to me. There’s nothing wrong with people going through online dating but it doesn’t feel natural or comfortable to me so instead of feeling like that’s what I NEED to do if I want to meet the man of my dreams, I’m just following my heart and my gut and for me, that’s not where it is.
Hi Katie,
I agree that there’s nothing wrong with online dating, but it’s not right for everyone. Do what’s right for you!
This is such an amazing post. It’s heartfelt, it’s real, and it is full of wisdom. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing it!
Hi Jamie! Thank you for such kind words. I think being real & vulnerable is important so we can encourage others with our stories. I’m glad you enjoyed it!!
I needed to read this!!! I’m going to write “It’s not rejection, it’s protection” on a post kit and keep it in my bathroom mirror. Thanks for this timely message
Hi Jewels! I’m so glad you were encouraged by it! Keep on trusting Him–He has great plans for you!!
I absolutely love this post!! I remember my single days and it was exactly how she explained there were ups and downs! But even if you are single you always have to stay positive – I have way too many friends who are always so negative about being single and their chances of finding their love one day.
Exactly, Ashley! Staying positive & having faith is so important! Thank you for the response! Glad you enjoyed it.
Always easy to say don’t worry mr right will come along one of these days. Hard to be single surrounded by couples.
I’m not single but I love this post. So many valuable lessons in life. I need to pray more for my partner and myself and our family for sure. Thank you for writing this amazing piece!
Emmie xo
This is a really wonderful, positive, uplifting post! Definitely something worth sharing with my single friends. 🙂 Thanks for sharing it with us.
– MG https://malissagreenwood.com/
Love your quote, “It’s okay to have bad days, but don’t stay there.” It applies to the single girl in waiting situation, and so much more!
I love this so much! Such great reminders!
http://moosmusing.com
Terrific guest post! I was divorced 12 years before I recognized the man God had for me. Now 12 years later, I’m so glad I didn’t fall for the “nice” guys who were great on “paper” and not God’s best.
I loved all the practical advice here. Going to share.
Loved this!!! I agree that it’s not easy to be single at times but there is always going to be the perfect timing for that special guy. I really love “It’s okay to have bad days, but don’t stay there”. I remember when I was single I thought a bad relationship or experience meant I was doomed, which made me rigid. Now I am grateful for those experiences.
You have some good points. Everything happens according to His timeline, but you have to remember free will, we were after-all given it for a reason. If you want something you need to go out and get it. Test the waters some. And don’t disregard the “nice” guy just because he doesn’t instantly give you some electrical feeling. Most good relationships take a long time to build into the Love stage. That “nice” guy may be the one God intends for you, but if you reject him before testing him out then you might actually be hurting yourself more than you think. He might be more than you see on the surface.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Great points and reminders of what we may look for but to also be prepared ourselves of what we can give. Good job. Following 🙂
This is beautiful! I love seeing women pursue who they are on their own rather than submitting to be defined by a relationship or by a man. Find yourself and nurture your relationship with God then everything will fall into place.
Great post! 🙂
Yes! Yes! & yes…. I totally agree with everything you said and thanks for saying it. It’s funny because I asked God to protect me from heartaches, compromising situations and bad relationships too… and wouldn’t you know it, anytime I start to really like a guy, God removes him from my life ENTIRELY. Lol *facepalm* but you’re right, it is not rejection, it’s protection. Love it.
I’m single and yes I agree with all these.
Empowering and inspiring. Love!
It was only when I stopped going from long term relationship to long term relationship and took a year to myself. To work on my own heart and soul. That’s when my husband finally came to me.
Definitely a difficult place to be. But everything happens at the right time for each person. Its hard but we need to trust in God’s plan for us!
Our society, especially in the church, struggles to find a place for singles. You made some excellent points! Singleness is not a curse or a sickness like so many people view it.
Oh yes. I met my now husband when I was 28. So many of these things are so true
I’m not single, in fact I’m deep in the marriage and babies life, but the ideas here are so important even within the relationship.
Timing always ends up perfect. I was waiting for years come to find out that my ‘one’ was someone I’d known for years but it just hadn’t been our time previously.
How many (Christian) women will never know their full potential in the kingdom, because boo hoo I’m too busy worrying about how I want MORE. I praise Jesus for my beautiful single life, because God used me as a tool for His kingdom – a path that only a single woman could have taken. If there is a husband out there – I will find him, and he will find me, and the Lord will make it perfect. This generation is so focused on the ME ME ME and what I WANT and God owes me a man etc… My prayer for you is that you find your full potential in God and know that a man is a luxury that you “want” but not “need.” You have purpose in His kingdom – you are equally valuable without a man, you are just as much his child. We all have things we “want” so badly it hurts – whether it be a man or financial freedom and independence. But let’s not build a culture of Christian women so obsessed with singleness that we lose sight of Him (unless of course we’re begging Him for a man). Cheers…
Hi Stephanie,
Thanks for your comment & your opinion. I do believe it’s important to seek God first and use our single season to further the Kindgom. However, I also believe one can do that and simultaneously desire good, godly things like a husband and a family, and there is nothing wrong with that. Those are God-given desires. And in some ways, I think this generation has pushed marriage aside for the purpose of furthering their careers & enjoying their freedom. I think both single life & married life could easily become idols. I do believe God will bring my husband in His time, and I desire to encourage others who are waiting for the same thing, as I know it’s a struggle for many.
God bless you!
”There’s nothing really wrong with him… But as a friend of mine says, he’s the silver and not the gold. He is, however, someone else’s gold.“
Thank you for this! I recently dated a guy who seemed to check all the boxes: really nice, respectful, Christian guy. I couldn’t really find a great reason for turning him down except that something didn’t feel quite right. I was frustrated and confused, but I kept praying and realized that despite all of the “nice” things about him, it wasn’t who God had for me. After breaking it off with the guy, I felt peace.
I am almost 25 and doing my best to enjoy the single life while waiting and praying for the one God has for me.
Thank you for your encouraging words!
Kelsey – So hard to give up things that seem “good” but you know aren’t from God, right? Sounds like you are on a great path!